I think I’ve got the cart before the horse again…

March 24, 2010 at 7:39 pm (Baby making, Random rantings)

I had a C-section with Junior.  My labor was induced 2 weeks early because I had fluid in my kidneys.  I labored for 3o hours, pushed for 4 and still had a C-section.  I really think I’ll try for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) next time.  I didn’t have any issues with the surgery last time.  I healed quickly, felt well, etc, but part of me is really feeling the need to do it.  I feel almost like I got cheated last time.  I mean, come on, I pushed for four hours!  The said his head was just too big.  The more research I do, the more I’m finding it likely that he really wasn’t in the right position.  I was induced early; Junior didn’t decide he was ready.  Maybe he wasn’t turned the right way.  I have no way of knowing.  I just feel like I’ve got to try again.  If I ended up with another C-section, I wouldn’t be upset.  I want to experience going into labor on my own.  I want to take the time to labor at home for a while; to be good and ready when I get to the hospital.  I want to push my next baby out the way millions of women have done it for all of history.  I want to have my baby placed on my chest as soon as he/she is born.

I know I’m way ahead of myself, but I’ve already started researching.  I know there’s only one VBAC friendly hospital in my county, so the location is settled.  Once I get pregnant, I’ll need to start calling doctors and finding one that understands my goals.  So many things to think about and I’m not even pregnant yet!

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Stressing out already…

March 17, 2010 at 6:09 am (Baby making, Junior)

I just had my IUD taken out yesterday and the thought of having another baby is starting to stress me out already.  Mostly because I’m not sure how my family will take the news that we’re TTC.  I’ve decided not to tell anyone.  Nobody in real life even knows that I had the IUD taken out.  We may not be rich, but we both have stable jobs, limited debt and pay all of our bills on time.  It’s not like we’re flat broke, but money is somewhat tight.  To us, it’s worth it to give Junior a sibling even if that means we might be spread a little thin at times.  My mom told me years ago, “there’s no perfect time to have a baby; you’re never 100% ready”.  I feel like that’s exactly the case.  Sure, maybe we could wait another year, but who’s to say that our financial position will change in that time.  Then what have we gained?

When I got pregnant with Junior, things seemed fine.  Hubs’ job was great, I was working and going to school, and everything looked great.  Then the economy tanked.  Hubs’ job with a lumber company was strained and eventually he was laid off.  It just goes to show that a lot can change for better or worse.  There might always be a reason to wait another year.  I want Junior to have a sibling he can be close to, that he can have things in common with, that he can be friends with.  When I look at Hubs’ side of the family, where the closest sibling set has a 7 year age gap, I see the older child being an extra set of hands to raise the younger sibling and that’s not what I want.

Right now, my parents each watch Junior one day a week for 2-3 hours while Hubs and I work.  They offered to do it and tell me how much they enjoy spending time with him, but they complain about it.  They act like we don’t appreciate it, even though we thank them constantly.  When I was growing up, they both worked full time and my brother and I were in daycare.  We could probably work out a schedule like that now, but I’d rather see Junior being cared for by family than strangers if we can help it.  I think my parents see it as a flaw in our financial picture rather than a choice that we’ve made.

For once, I’d just like to feel like my family is happy with my choices.  I’d like my mom to tell me she’s proud of the family I have.  My brother and his wife were quite strapped when they got pregnant with their second child, yet my mom literally leaped off the ground when she found out.  When I told her I was pregnant with Junior, her response: “What did you do?”  Hubs and I have a great relationship and he’s an amazing dad.  We may not be rich, but Junior and any future children we have will have great lives in our home.

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What are we getting into?

March 11, 2010 at 8:44 pm (Baby making)

Junior was a surprise.  Well, lets be honest; when you’re not using any protection, it’s not really that much of a surprise.  He wasn’t exactly planned.  We’ve been talking about expanding our family for a while now and with Hubs’ lack of work, that’s been out of the picture.  Hubs has been back to work for a while and we decided to “pull the goalie”.  I’m having my IUD taken out on Monday.

Now the craziness begins.  In Mommyland there’s lots of ways to go about trying to conceive (TTC).

  • NTNP, or Not Trying Not Preventing, which is basically what a lot of women call it when they want a baby and their partner doesn’t, or they don’t have the balls to tell their partner that they want to try for a baby.
  • “Casually trying”; Mom and Dad are on the same boat, but the science is left out.  There’s no calender, no timing per se; just good, old fashioned baby dancing (or BDing, because of course this has a nickname too!).
  • The hardcore TTCers.  They’ve got this down to an art.  Did you know you can buy things to pee on that will tell you if you’re about to ovulate (assuming you’re a woman!)?  And if you take your temperature at the exact same time every morning before you so much as blink, you can tell if you’ve already ovulated?  Timing, positions, diet, vaginal ph and the color of your panties can all affect the gender of the not-yet-conceived child.  Ok, I made up the panties part…  Not all the women that use some of these techniques are super hard core, but you better believe there’s a ton of websites out there for charting fertility and they’re full of these ladies.
  • Of course there’s TTCMA (that’s trying to conceive with medical assistance in Mommyland).  This is a whole other group.  These ladies have struggled to have babies and have turned to the help of doctors to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it.  My heart breaks for these women.  I love being a mommy and can’t imagine the pain these women go through to keep coming up a day late and a dollar short.

I guess we’ll fall into the casually trying category for now.  At some point I might start tracking my cycles if things take a while, but I want to enjoy it.  I want to obsess over things without a website telling me we BDed on the right day or we didn’t.  I’m actually looking forward to spending a year’s pay on pregnancy tests.  I’ll probably POAS (pee on a stick, which is code word for taking a home pregnancy test which is also known as an HPT) just about every day.

This will be a very different experience than when I found out I was pregnant with Junior.  I was 5 days late already.  I knew I was pregnant.  I bought one test (the awesome digital kind that say “pregnant” or “not pregnant” right on the screen).  I peed on it and didn’t even look at it.  I set it down, pulled up my pants, flushed the toilet and washed my hands before I looked at it again and “PREGNANT” was there.  I expected to freak out and didn’t.  It was more of an oh, ok, we’re having a baby. At least until it all sunk in.  I can’t wait for the excitement and anticipation this time.  I’ll do my best to keep you all updated so you can obsess with me!

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